Bad Days

Today was one of those bad days where everything goes from great to awful.

It started out fine. I had breakfast with a dear friend that I don't get to see very often. And by breakfast I mean we talked from 9:30am until 1:15pm! Clearly we had a lot to catch up on. It was a very encouraging conversation, and she's able to relate to some of my feelings, which is definitely helpful.

We also booked our vacation for Disney World! B and I went there on our honeymoon back in May and again with his family in January and are now going again in September... we're slightly addicted. This time will be even more exciting though as we're bringing our best friends and their adorable daughters (who are currently 2 and 8 months).  We know they won't remember the trip, but the memories are more for us. :)

Then things went downhill.... I got the mail this morning and amongst all the junk was a rejection letter from a credit card company. I had applied for a Disney rewards card thinking we could take advantage of some of the perks on our upcoming trip... obviously not!  The rejection letter said that I didn't have enough credit history for them to approve my application.

Basically, because B and I have always tried to budget and be aware of how we spend our money (which started long before we even knew each other) we haven't been able to build any credit. We don't borrow money, only use cash/debit cards, and therefore, have no credit. So, once again, by trying to do things the right way, we get screwed!

This then had a snowball effect. I proceeded to start yelling (and even throwing a few things) because I was convinced that no matter how hard we try to do things right, or follow God's teaching, we'll never succeed.

By not going into debt or taking out loans, we have no credit. By not having credit, we'll have to wait even longer to buy a house. By not having a house, we'll outgrow our apartment... Oh wait!! No we won't because we don't have any children! And the way it feels in this moment we never will.

Which brings me to the next phase of my hormonal and overtired rant:  Why did we even bother to save ourselves for marriage? Why didn't we just do things like everyone else? They all get to be parents... and yet, we tried to follow God's design for marriage and we can't get pregnant. We've already spent over $2200 on appointments and tests and prescriptions and we aren't any closer to having a baby than we were before we got married.

I know life isn't fair, I know God has a plan in all of this. Ever since starting this blog, I've tried to word things in a way that isn't hurtful or bitter, but, this is my blog, and I'm going to write about how I feel.

I'm tired of being around immature, self-centered parents. I'm tired of standing in line at the grocery store with a mom screaming at her kids in front of me and another mom ignoring her children in line behind me. I'm tired of seeing pregnant 16 year olds. I'm tired of having people complain about their children to me. I'm tired of parents who are always pushing their children on to the next stage, rather than treasuring the precious time they have with their baby. I'm tired of people saying things like, "It must be nice to sleep in on Saturday." and "I wish I could go on vacation."

BECAUSE GUESS WHAT!

I would trade all the money, all the cars, all the vacations, all the sleep in the world to be able to hold my own baby in my arms. To stay up with my crying baby when he's sick. To change my clothes three times a day because she keeps throwing up on me. To go a week without showering because my baby wants me to hold him.

DO NOT complain to me about your baby. Would you give up your baby FOREVER just for a weekend in Traverse City? Or a new car? Or a extra hour of sleep every night? No, you wouldn't. Those are things. A baby is a life; a precious gift that will forever belong to you. So don't you dare tell me you wish you had something I have. How dare you insult me and make me feel bad when you have the one thing.. the only thing I've every wanted in this life.