Well, actually, God made it for us.
As I eluded to previously, we weren't certain if we should proceed immediately with IVF or wait until January, mostly because of busy we're going to be over the next few months. I think we have at least one trip every month between now and Christmas (our first one is only a few weeks away!!).
After much discussion, Bob and I decided to pray specifically that if we were supposed to move forward immediately, the timing would work perfectly, and if we're supposed to wait, the door would be completely closed. When it came down to the dates, we figured out that I'd need to get my period at least 2 days late, but not more than 6 days late in order to be able to proceed.
Friday marked day 29 of my cycle (making me 1 day late for my almost always 28 day cycle). I woke up with terrible cramps, bloating, and spotting. I was disappointed, but also had a sense of peace. I think we'd been planning all along that it wouldn't work out and we'd just have to wait until January. And I was finally at a place where I was able to enjoy life where we are. I'm loving getting to spend all this time with my nieces and work is keeping me busy. Bob and I have freedom that couples with kids don't get. We were finally at a point of being ok with waiting; and while disappointed that we wouldn't be moving forward, we were also a little relieved that we'd have more time to save money and take life a little slower.
Oops.... there we go again! Thinking that we're in control and that our timing is better than God's....
I didn't officially start my period until 12:18am Saturday morning. Which was cycle day 30, making me 2 days late.
Guess the door wasn't closed like we thought it was.
Believe it or not, we weren't excited at all! We, in our selfish, sinful nature, said, "Wait a second God. We were all set to wait. We had a plan. We were going to take the next few months slow. We were going to enjoy all these vacations with out any worries of conception or pregnancies. We (or rather I) was going to loose all this extra weight I've gained from the hormones, not start new hormones!"
Can you believe it? We asked for a specific sign. A way to know for sure what we should do in regards to timing. We said, "close the door for this month if You want us to wait." And when He left the door WIDE open, we still doubted. We still questioned, and we were still overwhelmed with fear.
After more discussing and more praying, we finally came to realize this very obvious fact. That God did answer our prayers. This doesn't mean that we are 100% positive this IVF will end in a pregnancy; we know God could still say no to a baby right now, but it does mean that we're 100% certain we're supposed to move forward with an IVF right now.
I called the Dr's office this morning. We both had all our screening and base line labs done (they sucked 7 vials of blood from me this morning!) and scheduled the mock embyro transfer for this week Wednesday. After that, we don't do anything else until cycle day 21, when I start injections :/
Which also happens to be the day after we get back from Florida (what a fabulous welcome home present!)
Thank you to all of you who've been praying for us. We ask for your continued prayers to calm any anxiety we have over moving forward. That we'd have peace with this decision; that the fear and worry over the money wouldn't consume or deter us from moving forward. That the side effects from medications won't be unbearable. That our marriage would remain strong; that we'd be a constant source of love and encouragement for one another. Prayer for success for this IVF, and for peace if God's will is different. And as always, that God's will would be done in all of this and that He'd use us to further His kingdom.
B&B
Monday, August 27, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
Sometimes a Little Change Makes All the Difference
Not much to report on the IF/IVF front. Still haven't made an definitive decisions... we can't really decide much of anything until the end of the month. We've been trying to coordinate with the insurance company to check and see if any aspects of the procedure/medications are covered at all. We also have to find out if they'll cover a portion of the anesthesia or not so I've been playing phone tag with their office for the last week.
Life has gotten very busy over the last few weeks.... but its also been good. I now have the blessed pleasure of spending 1-2 days a week watching my precious "nieces." Their mom recently started a part-time job and I get to watch them! I love every moment of it! They are so special to us and I absolutely love spending the extra time with them! Its given me an entirely new appreciation for moms though!
The first day I had them I took them to the store briefly just to get out of the house... that was quite the adventure! Between poopy diapers, switching kids from walking to the cart, changing carts because they wanted the one with the fancy seat, and trying to put both kids into car seats... man was I ready for a nap by the time we got home, thankfully they were too :)
Its also been so nice not being on any medications right now. There are certainly times when I get a little bummed that we're not actively pursuing treatment right now, its nice to finally feel like myself again. Its amazing how much those hormones mess with your body and mood. Bob and I have been choosing to just enjoy where we are in life and use our time to serve people around us. Its been a blessing to us.
These little changes have seemed to make a world of difference in our attitude and perspective... A much needed change.
Even more exciting is that we're just weeks away from our vacation to Disney World!!! We're excited to get away and spend time with our friends! We can't wait to see the girls' reaction to the wonders of Disney!
Thank you all for the kind comments and support and for your continued prayers!
Life has gotten very busy over the last few weeks.... but its also been good. I now have the blessed pleasure of spending 1-2 days a week watching my precious "nieces." Their mom recently started a part-time job and I get to watch them! I love every moment of it! They are so special to us and I absolutely love spending the extra time with them! Its given me an entirely new appreciation for moms though!
The first day I had them I took them to the store briefly just to get out of the house... that was quite the adventure! Between poopy diapers, switching kids from walking to the cart, changing carts because they wanted the one with the fancy seat, and trying to put both kids into car seats... man was I ready for a nap by the time we got home, thankfully they were too :)
Its also been so nice not being on any medications right now. There are certainly times when I get a little bummed that we're not actively pursuing treatment right now, its nice to finally feel like myself again. Its amazing how much those hormones mess with your body and mood. Bob and I have been choosing to just enjoy where we are in life and use our time to serve people around us. Its been a blessing to us.
These little changes have seemed to make a world of difference in our attitude and perspective... A much needed change.
Even more exciting is that we're just weeks away from our vacation to Disney World!!! We're excited to get away and spend time with our friends! We can't wait to see the girls' reaction to the wonders of Disney!
Thank you all for the kind comments and support and for your continued prayers!
Monday, August 6, 2012
IVF Timeline
Still doesn't really exist. :( Because of the timing of my periods and the vast number of vacations we have coming up, we still don't have a set timeline for our IVF. At this point, the soonest would be mid-October
Our IVF consult last week went well. It was extremely overwhelming for Bob (poor thing). It was a little easier for me to understand because I already knew what all of the medical terms meant... he had no idea what the nurse was referring to half the time. Thankfully, I think he's got it down now :)
As of right now, the tentative plan is to move forward at the end of August... which pretty much means that when I get my next period at the end of August we wait 21 days, and then actually start something. The nurse gave us all kind of handy calendars and reference sheets to look at and told us at least 5 times that if we EVER had any question, even after hours or in the middle of the night, to just call the on-call dr or nurse. Its nice to know that they aren't going to get upset with me for calling at 2am asking about one of my injections. :)
For about 8-10 days I'll be on an injection to suppress my ovaries... they want the stimulating meds to do all the work! Then, once I get my period (again) they'll lower the dose of suppression meds and add stimulating meds. All of which, of course, are injections. Most of them at SQ inj, which I can easily give to myself, but the IM ones are going to be a little tricky.... The nurse asked Bob if he's be able/willing to learn how to give them... he turned white as a sheet and starting shaking his head no. (he HATES needles!) Fortunately, I think there are some other people I can convince to help me there :)
Anyways, because I'm "super sensitive" to all meds, I'll need to go in every other day for ultrasounds and bloodwork to monitor follicle development and make sure my estrogen levels don't sky rocket. We were told that once I start the stims I'm not allowed to do any bouncing at all. This gave us a good laugh. At first we thought she was kidding, but apparently, because your ovaries are being hyperstimulated, they're bigger and heavier than normal, so any bouncing or jumping could cause them to twist, cutting off the blood supply to the ovary. (that's not scary or anything) So, needless to say, they'll be no trampolines or jet-ski-ing for this girl any time soon!
Then comes the retrieval (which I won't go into detail about). But it is amazing the things we have to decide and the number of papers we have to sign prior to the retrieval. Bob had to sign a form giving me permission to decide how many embryos to implant in case he's unable to be there; we have to decide if we want to fertilize all the eggs retrieved and if not, we have to decide whether to discard them or donate them; we have to assign guardians to any and all frozen embryos so that if we were to both pass away, the guardians could "carry out our wishes;" We have to decide who would get custody of frozen embryos in case of divorce (which won't ever happen, but we have to decide anyways).
So many things I never thought I'd have to think about! That was way more overwhelming to me than the explanation of the process. I already had a general idea of how things were going to work, but this stuff... this stuff I never even saw coming!
We also found out its going to cost more than we originally thought. Because Dr. D wants to use general anesthesia on me for the retrieval, that's a whole additional cost. It looks like it will now be around $12,000-$15,000!
We'd appreciate your continued prayers as we have a lot of decisions to make and information to process. We also have some, obvious, financial concerns. As much as we're eager to move forward, that's a TON of money to spend all at once and in a just a short amount of time.
We're both looking forward to having the month of August, and most of September medication free!! At times its sad that we aren't moving forward immediately, but I think we need this break. For our sanity, our health, and our hearts.
Thank you all for your love and support!
Our IVF consult last week went well. It was extremely overwhelming for Bob (poor thing). It was a little easier for me to understand because I already knew what all of the medical terms meant... he had no idea what the nurse was referring to half the time. Thankfully, I think he's got it down now :)
As of right now, the tentative plan is to move forward at the end of August... which pretty much means that when I get my next period at the end of August we wait 21 days, and then actually start something. The nurse gave us all kind of handy calendars and reference sheets to look at and told us at least 5 times that if we EVER had any question, even after hours or in the middle of the night, to just call the on-call dr or nurse. Its nice to know that they aren't going to get upset with me for calling at 2am asking about one of my injections. :)
For about 8-10 days I'll be on an injection to suppress my ovaries... they want the stimulating meds to do all the work! Then, once I get my period (again) they'll lower the dose of suppression meds and add stimulating meds. All of which, of course, are injections. Most of them at SQ inj, which I can easily give to myself, but the IM ones are going to be a little tricky.... The nurse asked Bob if he's be able/willing to learn how to give them... he turned white as a sheet and starting shaking his head no. (he HATES needles!) Fortunately, I think there are some other people I can convince to help me there :)
Anyways, because I'm "super sensitive" to all meds, I'll need to go in every other day for ultrasounds and bloodwork to monitor follicle development and make sure my estrogen levels don't sky rocket. We were told that once I start the stims I'm not allowed to do any bouncing at all. This gave us a good laugh. At first we thought she was kidding, but apparently, because your ovaries are being hyperstimulated, they're bigger and heavier than normal, so any bouncing or jumping could cause them to twist, cutting off the blood supply to the ovary. (that's not scary or anything) So, needless to say, they'll be no trampolines or jet-ski-ing for this girl any time soon!
Then comes the retrieval (which I won't go into detail about). But it is amazing the things we have to decide and the number of papers we have to sign prior to the retrieval. Bob had to sign a form giving me permission to decide how many embryos to implant in case he's unable to be there; we have to decide if we want to fertilize all the eggs retrieved and if not, we have to decide whether to discard them or donate them; we have to assign guardians to any and all frozen embryos so that if we were to both pass away, the guardians could "carry out our wishes;" We have to decide who would get custody of frozen embryos in case of divorce (which won't ever happen, but we have to decide anyways).
So many things I never thought I'd have to think about! That was way more overwhelming to me than the explanation of the process. I already had a general idea of how things were going to work, but this stuff... this stuff I never even saw coming!
We also found out its going to cost more than we originally thought. Because Dr. D wants to use general anesthesia on me for the retrieval, that's a whole additional cost. It looks like it will now be around $12,000-$15,000!
We'd appreciate your continued prayers as we have a lot of decisions to make and information to process. We also have some, obvious, financial concerns. As much as we're eager to move forward, that's a TON of money to spend all at once and in a just a short amount of time.
We're both looking forward to having the month of August, and most of September medication free!! At times its sad that we aren't moving forward immediately, but I think we need this break. For our sanity, our health, and our hearts.
Thank you all for your love and support!
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