No Rest for the Weary... No Hope for the Hopeless

I've started this post three times and keep deleting what I write. I don't know what to say.

2 months ago, Bob and I decided to move forward with infertility treatment. In May we did our first IUI. It was a natural cycle, except for a trigger injection to induce ovulation (I was already on day 18 and hadn't ovulated on my own yet). With one beautiful follicle at 22mm the RE, nurses, and us were all hopefull that this would be our first, last and only fertility treatment. BFN. It didn't work. I was on progesterone supplements and after day 45 of my cylce, a negative home pregnancy test, and negative HCG blood test, AF arrived.

Time to start IUI #2.

This time Dr. D had me on Clomid 50mg and I was told that progesterone wasn't necessary because the Clomid would correct the boarderline progesterone levels. When I went in for my mid-cycle ultrasound, they saw that I had 6 follicles! 4 mature, and the other 2 had the potential to be mature by the time I ovulated. (6 is huge! They hope for 2, possibly 3, especially on the lower dose of Clomid). The sperm count was 5 times higher for the second IUI than it was for the first! I had to have counceling to make sure I was aware that we were "at risk for high volume multiples!" and had to have the Dr give the ok to move forward with this number of follicles (which he did). We also did another trigger injection to control the timing of ovulation for the IUI.

We were so hopefully..... If only miracles were based on numbers.

It didn't work. And I just found out.........

We're tired. We're defeated.

I can't do this again.....We don't know what to do.

No News

You know the old expression "No news is good news"  I disagree.  I'd rather have something than nothing. We are stuck in a place of limbo.... not moving forward, backward, or even sideways. We are in a place of waiting, and the worst part is, we have no idea when, or if, it will ever end. We daily pray that God would give us joy in our circumstances, but that doesn't take away the longing or the hurt.

I thought having a baby was supposed to be stressful for a marriage, not trying to conceive a baby. We're tired and drained.. physically, mentally, and emotionally, which leads to short fuses and an overall sense of grumpiness. We'd appreciate prayers for the health of our marriage. I love my husband even more now than the day I married him, and I know he feels the same. I don't want to give you all the wrong idea; we're not spending hours every day fighting or angry at each other. We're just so exhausted that we have little energy to put in to our marriage.

We had an incredible weekend though!! We went up to Traverse City with our wonderful friends Mike and Beth. They have been such an amazing support system to us and so encouraging and loving! And they have two beautiful girls that they've graciously shared with us :)  It was amazing being able to get away from the normalicy of everyday life. We went shopping, the boys went on a motorcycle ride while Beth and I laid out on the beach, wine tasting, swimming, hot tubing, ate tons of unhealthy food... it was fabulous!!

No worries about taking medication, giving injections, eating this, don't drink that.... it was the first time in months where we were truly able to relax and enjoy each other. It was the first time in months were I didn't think about having/wanting a baby. It was exactly what we needed!

Here are some pictures of our adventure!

The view from the balcony of our hotel room!

My wonderful friend Beth and me! I love her!!!

Bob and me on our hotel balcony. For those of you who don't know, Bob really likes "Indiana Jones'" hats. :)

Mike and Beth. Aren't they adorable!

Beach Day! Beth took this picture of her feet in the sand, her sunglasses, magazine, and glass of wine to show what a perfect day it really was!

The Boys "swimming." This was as deep as they went because the water was cold! Please note, we clearly don't get out in the sun very often...

Shopping downtown Traverse!

Best View of the Sunset!!

Me and my hubby at The Blue Tractor for Lunch

We stopped at Moomers Ice Cream on the way home. If you're ever in Traverse City, you have to go here!!! Its about 6 miles outside of town, but so worth it!! They have the best icecream I've ever eaten, and I am an icecream expert!!!

And its good because its made fresh everyday! Literally! The icecream place is on a dairy farm!!

Mike and Bob rode their motorcycles to and from Traverse City. There's an amazing highway, M-22 that's fabulous for motorcycle rides!



And these are the two beautiful little ladies that were waiting for us when we got home! They are so precious!!!

 Evie wearing her "Nemo Teeth" shirt that her mom bought her.

 Look at that face! How could you not miss them!!