Another Disappointment

Well I had my mid-cycle ultrasound this past Tuesday. To recap Dr. D recommended doing at least one more IUI and switched me from clomid (which I was very responsive to but had some side effects) to Femara (which I wasn't supposed to have any side effects on).

The symptoms started the first day of Femara. Terrible hot flashes, mood swings, constipation, weight gain, headaches. You name it, I had it! My only source of comfort was the thought that the side effects meant the medication was working.

Wrong.

I only had 1 follicle at my ultrasound. 1! Are you kidding me! I can get one on my own without all the side effects. It was a good size, at 24 and my lining was 14 which is also very good... but I can get those numbers without the "help" of medication.

The nurse didn't do anything to make me feel any better about the situation either. First and foremost, that woman doesn't know how to give a shot to save her life! I spent 2 1/2 years giving injections to people every day... she had NO clue what she was doing. They wanted me to do another trigger shot, but, get this, "It's very possible we'll miss it this time around because you waited to long to come in. So next month you'll want to come in earlier in your cycle"

I WAITED TOO LONG! Are you kidding me!? Dr. D told me to come in on day 13 or 14 for my ultrasound because I don't typically ovulate without the trigger injection until cycle day 17-19. Now the nurse is pretty much telling me that there's not point in doing the IUI because I waited too long. And it wasn't a if this doesn't work, but when it doesn't work.

We debated just not doing the IUI, but figured we might as well since we'd already done all the prep for it (despite the stupid nurse and her inappropriate comments). So the next day we did the IUI.

To continue with the bad news, the Sperm count was down to only a third of what to was last time... which was hardly more than the first IUI which we were told was practically pointless. This was the most painful proceedure yet, with a lot of cramping and even some nausea, which has never happened.

This week hasn't been very good for me. Bob's been amazing; but there's nothing to say. Nothing to do. Our hope was pretty much destroyed before it even had time to begin. We didn't even want to do this IUI, but Dr. D was so confident that we decided to follow his recommendation.

I know it's not right to give up before we even have results, but I'm sick of getting my hopes up only to be devastated...so I guess I'm choosing to be devastated now instead. I don't want to talk. I don't want to hear anyone say, "Just relax" "Its going to happen" "It's ok, it's not the end of the world."
I've been fully immersing myself in work and putting on a happy facee, but I've given up.... at least for now.